Change

With Spring in the air I'm feeling the need for a change. It's time for a long overdue sprucing up on ye' old blog.

But as with all change it's a little scary. I have tried going at it with help from the professionals but it was not meant to be so I'm taking matters into my own hands and working on things myself-ish (a little help from friends is nice).

But, I love control anyway and sometimes it's better to control your own destiny. At least that's what I tell my kids (cut to me biting my nails).
I have long wanted to go from Blogger to Wordpress or maybe do a Full Blown Site so wish me luck (Lord knows I don't want to lose a bloggy thing). So please keep checking back here for updates and hopefully a new home coming soon.
Time to spread my wings!




Have any of you made some significant changes lately or are planning to?



Best,
Kwana



images from here.

Help When You Need It

What’s Jack up to? Jack is doing good. The silly little dog is having a day with the dear twins since is been officially called a snow day so the weekend begins early at my house. Enough with the snow please. I'm done.

And yes, this was a huge honking storm. Trees down and all that. My DH got stuck and his car couldn’t make it up the hill coming home last night. Thankfully he was in front of the town’s fire house and a bunch of young guys came out and pushed his car up the hill.
It’s so good to have help when you need it.
These pics were taken at night.


Then later when walking Jack late in the evening he saw a huge tree had fallen around the corner. Of course I had to go out and see. Down right on the power lines.


On our walk suddenly the big guns were out, this huge tractor. The driver was so funny. He pulled up beside us and said, “Did you call a cab?” Yep, Good to have help when you need it.

Speaking of help when you need it... Laura from Shore(house) Chic blog is doing a Help for Haiti auction over at her blog. Because they still need so much help and will for a long time to come. Laura has some wonderful handmade pieces to go to the highest bidder. Go here to check it out.

Best,
Kwana

Surrender

Surrender : transitive verb 1 a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another

2 a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)

Some days you just want to throw your hands up and not in a joyful way, but in a way of frustration, in an act of defeat. The day can be going along smoothly and all it takes is one thing, a rock in the road to trip you up and take you off course, causing you to take your eyes off the horizon and your ultimate joy and you want to surrender. To give up, to say fine I’m done, have at it world, take all I’ve got.

But then you realize that there are some things you can’t do that with. Some instances where you can’t surrender or your stubborn mother’s heart just won’t let you. Because when it comes to your children is there really ever any surrender? Not as long as there is hope, love, fight and breath.

So you grit your teeth and hang in for the fight. Throwing up your hands and clinching them into fists at the rest of the world if you have to because the only act of Surrender when it comes to your children, in your heart and mind, is the Surrendering to the will of God. Nothing less will do.

Best,
Kwana

Good News- Update

Hello all! I could not wait to share the good news that I got today from my doctor. No Cancer! Horray! And Thank God!

My surgery went well and I'm healing ok. Still sore and watching not to bump into things. No big hugs from me... yet, but they will be coming soon. I will have to continue to check things out with Mammos every six months but that is just part of life.

Life. Yes! Time to get on with that. What a difference a minute makes. Wow.

I wanted to give you all a thanks from the bottom, top, oh just every part of my heart for all of your encouraging words, prayers and positive thoughts... I feel a Happy New Year coming on!

With Much Love,

Kwana

Harlem Holidays

What’s Jack up to? Jack is doing great and recuperating from the excitement of Christmas. He had so much fun with family dropping in and by being totally spoiled by having Nana over with him for a few days so he was sad to see her go back home. I know, Jack me too.

Thanks to all of you for your 2 year blogiversary well wishes. Who knew I could blab so much? Thanks again for sticking with me.

A few of you were sweet enough to ask about Nana and she sends her holiday best wishes to you! I made sure to head to her place and take a few pictures to share this year’s Harlem Holiday Hallways with you. Here are Nana and my Aunt Cynthia saying Merry Christmas.

Cynthia along with other neighbors are the masters behind the WOW hallways. Can you believe they actually had lights this year? And the wrapping paper on each door is too funny, but I love it. A present in each apartment.

And they say neighbors don’t get together anymore. I think they do. All it takes is a little community care and friendly cooperation. Hmm…I wonder if the government is listening?

Best,
Kwana

For the Love- Thank You

What’s Jack up to? Well it looks like jack is starting to enjoy the snow. Maybe it’s due to his Old Navy jacket and Cool booties from Ina in Alaska that keep his paws warm. Quite sporty.

Thank you all so much for the love and support yesterday. I’m sore (Freakin’ Ouch!!) from my surgery but trying to be positive. The biopsies went well but I won’t have any results until after Christmas so I’m going to focus on healing and trying to have a low stress and full of love holiday with the DH, DS, DD and the rest of the fam. That is the most important thing. That and being thankful to God for each day.

Speaking of thankful, I can’t thank my caregivers at the Women’s Imaging Center, Ann Marie and the gang and my fab surgeon (another mom on twins) and at the staff at the hospital yesterday enough. Even when they were doing the most awful things with needles in terrible place they were doing it with such gentle care and love that I’m so grateful. These are truly special people and should be applauded.

Thanks to my friends who will not be denied with all their offers of help and support and my knitting circle who will not be stopped. The food is coming along with the love and laughs.

My advice to you all: Get your Mammograms (despite changing guidelines. I’m 40) and do self exams. Take good care of yourself and be your own best advocate.
Thanks again for the love. Sorry for rambling and repeats. Still on high powered pain killers over here.

Much Love,
Kwana

No Soft Focus Here

Happy Monday folks. I hope the weekend was lovely and the weather, wherever you were, didn’t put too much of a damper on your holiday plans. We had a nice sized snowstorm that got Jack out in the snow (after a while he started to like it) and the family out shoveling and clearing the cars together. The Dear Twins were less than amused, but they were happy when I gave them their 2009 Christmas ornaments to hang on the tree. It’s the little things that bring the smiles back.

Now I pride myself on keeping things real here on KwanaWrites while not giving too much away and not being too much of a downer (if I can at all help it). It’s a fine balance because if I really let loose I’m sure I’d be inundated with comments wondering if I truly am crazy at times.

I’ve been grappling with writing this post for quite a while and for quite a few reasons, one I didn’t want to get too personal and two I wanted to have my children feeling ok with what was happening.

But a lovely post from Mable’s House gave me some of the courage I needed to sharpen the focus and lift the veil (you can tell me in the comments if you get the poster reference).

This year has been a very trying one for me and my family in all sorts of ways that has put my patience, faith and maybe even sanity at times (I do have teens) to the test in oh so many ways.

This photo was taken in the office of the third breast procedure that I’ve had in the past five months. I love the messages of optimism and hope of them.

Now the happy news is all my biopsies so far have come back benign and I’m thrilled about that, but today I’m having surgery to hopefully get a definitive answer.

So I’m asking all of you, my lovely and cherished friends, for your prayers and positive energy. It’s been a long road with this weighing on my mind and heart but I hope to start 2010 in a better mindset with this problem off my shoulders and ready to be a strong and healthy, mom, wife, friend, writer. Me.
Thanks in advance.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?"Psalm 27:1

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... "1 John 4:18


Much Love,
Kwana


P.S.
And Wow! According to the counter this is my 700th post. 7 the number of completion. Now that is saying something isn’t it?

Joy

Thanks to the lovely Chocolate Covered Daydreams I found a blog that is new to me called Barking Mad! And Audrey is having a wonderful Target gift card giveaway. All you have to do is write a post about what brings you joy. You can visit Audrey here. But act fast. The post is due today.



So what brings me joy? Hmm … you’d think this would be easy to write but not so much since my mind is currently filled with clutter of what I need to do and have to get or need to get me through the day/month and into next year. You see Joy is something I constantly strive for, not something I see myself as always having. But if I think about it, I know that I do have it. Deep down on the inside and I just need to keep tapping into it and not let all the clutter of my world hold it down.

That said there is lots of Joy from the outside too. Things like: sincere smiles from friends and even strangers, looks of love from those you love, a good laugh that always brings joy, unexpected kindness from strangers. That always fills my heart.



Joy is when my family is all home safe and sound and snugged in their beds. Or maybe that is a bit of Peace of mind?


I have found much joy in the generosity and spirit of the blogging community.
And in the care of my writing friends and friends who have supported me as I continue my long quest to publication. Thanks PIC and Lovely Crit Partners, Jen and Jeanine!
There is also Joy in laughing with my knitting group. I love it when we all crack up over something and the needles have to stop.



Oh and I also find much joy in a good period movie or a great romance with an alpha hero and a strong heroine. That gives me lots of joy.

Best,

Kwana

P.S. Even if you don't have time to enter the giveaway. Please comment here on what bring you Joy and get some joy in thinking about it. Or write your own post and please let me know so I can stop on by. That would bring me Joy.

P.P.S. scroll down to see my Giveaway winner and to hear about my Bleak weekend.

Right as Rain

The PIC sent me the Adele album as a gift now such a long time ago and I still listen to it so often and lately I've been singing this song to myself all the time. Thought I'd share it with you today. I hope your weekend is Right as Rain.



Best,
Kwana

P.S. There is still time to enter my holiday giveaway here until Sunday at midnight. Don't miss out.

Letter to My Younger Self

The dear Chocolate Covered Daydreams has put up a challenge on her blog here to go with a pretty great giveaway. The challenge is to write a letter to your younger self. In it she asks what would you say, would you be serious or funny? Tough call. There is so much I’d want to say to myself and so much that I’m still in the process of learning but here goes:

Dear Young Kwana,

Relax, it’s not all that bad. Stand tall and when you smile mean it, when you laugh mean it and when you cry mean that too. Slow down and take your time because time is all you have. Realize now how precious it is and please don’t waste so much of it worrying. Trust yourself and have faith that you will make it through. Always.
Oh and you are really beautiful. Did you know that?


Don’t dream it, be it.

Love,
Kwana

P.S. don't forget to scroll down and enter my PVE giveaway. Thanks.

Dream a little Dream

What's Jack up to? That Jack was a hot mess yesterday. We had him out for a little walk and he met up with new neighbor Arya (see below) and he wanted no parts of her. I was so embarrassed. Arya was so happy to see Jack ready to sniff and say hi and Jack kept running away. She tried and tried and he was not having it. It was very sad and Arya looked heartbroken. I really shouldn't be surprised. Jack is not even into dogs on tv. Here he is wanting no part of the dog show. I just don't know what to do with my anti-social dog. Humph!

Onto other news which is not really news, but I've still got Nano on my mind. Sorry, if this blog is getting boring. I'll think up something better soon. Maybe crash a party. Ugh! Don't get me started on at hot mess. Makes me so mad.

But, back to NaNo...Getting it completed was such a thrill. Would you like to see how it looked once I uploaded my manuscript? Sure you do, so here goes. I was happy to see this page. Pretty.

And this was my page once I passed the 50,000 word mark. It's wonderful how many others made their goals too and even those who did not still came so far because just trying and getting 10 or 20,000 words done is still so much. Congrats to all the participants!

If you have some dream that is gnawing at you and you think it's beyond your reach, I say give it a go anyway. You never know what you can do until you try. I'm not anywhere near my ultimate dream but I'm so much closer than where I was.

Any challenges pressing on your heart that you think you might want to try? Please share.

Best,

Kwana

Tranquil

Wishing you moments of peace and tranquility this weekend.

Best,

Kwana

Last Picked

Happy Friday! Well you made it another week. Good for me and you, eh? How did this week do ya? How did this month do ya for that matter?

It’s flown by on a breeze and I’m left wondering where it went and left looking at its back. Now here it is October and Fall is here for real- real.

The garden thing is officially done. Here you see the end of our labors.

The last picked. Aren’t these last pick tomatoes and peppers just beautiful? Sometimes those that are picked last can be the most special. The ones with the most promise. There’s no shame in being the last picked.

“…so the last shall be the first…”

Best,
Kwana

Passion makes Perfect

A friend of mine (thanks PIC) recently reminded me of my love of TED so I stopped on by ted.com and watched this video with the amazing novelist Isabel Allende talking about passion.
We women can make all the difference.
Enjoy.




Oh, Happy October!

Best,
Kwana

Confirmation

What’s Jack up to? He is so needing a bath. It’s all rainy so that’s strike #1 against that bath deal. Also I don’t have the energy so that’s strike #2. And as for strike #3 see #2.

I don’t talking about my writing all that much here, well, maybe I do I don’t know where I am on the narcissistic writer scale but today I’m talking… a bit. It’s part of the story.
There are times when life gives you signs to keep pushing forward. A confirmation of sorts.

One of my stories, book, novels whateves that I’m looking to sell is a YA (young adult) in which the heroine takes up gambling in order to save for the college of her dreams and in order to get money for her grandmother’s mounting medical bills when she shows signs of Alzheimer’s.

As a writer (well any type of artist) you put a bit of yourself out there with every submission. And yes. You know it’s all subjective and you keep that in mind but still you can’t help that twist in your gut every time you hit send and with every bit of feedback you get in return. It takes a lot to keep putting yourself out there day after day.


The other day I went to the doctor for a routine visit. Now my doctor has a lot of elderly patients that use his practice. I’m not sure why this is since he’s about 40-ish, but he does. Well, I’m in the waiting room wondering if I’ll get a flu shot, ouch (I did) when an elderly couple comes in along with a younger (about my age) woman. Now the older woman was, this is the only way I can describe it, full of piss and vinegar. She just about cracked me up walking in saying just how I felt about being there.

Lady loudly and not happy: Why do I have to come so far?
Husband: It’s not that far.
Lady: Well too far too me. They should make house calls.
Husband: Nobody makes house calls anymore. You’re not going to find that.
They both sit.
Husband: Well, you don’t have to come back for 3 months.
Lady: I’m not coming back!

I’m thinking I hear ya, Lady.

The younger woman comes up after giving their info to the front desk and stands in front of the couple. She has a gentle way and starts to talk about someone calling the lady.

Lady: He doesn’t have to call me every day!
Husband: Shhh… Please don’t be so loud.
Lady: Don’t Shhh me!
Younger woman: Mom I thought you’d just like to see how he is. He’s doing so well and loves to speak with you.
Lady looking up at the younger women: Now softly: Are you my daughter?

My heart wretches and I start to blink fast. Must keep back the tears.

Younger woman softly and with so much love: Yes, Mom I’m your daughter.



I think of my book and what the granddaughter does to get the overpriced meds for her grandmother to keep her Alzheimer’s at bay. I’m still submitting and tweaking the story. Anything to make it even better. Anything to get it out there. Health care is so important. Love is so vital. Perseverance is life.



Best,
Kwana

Looking up

I'm so unhappy with my lack of reading time lately. I've been so busy that it's been practically nonexistent and my normal bath reading time has been finding me falling asleep in the tub. I'm afraid I'll wake with a wet book. I feel so off my game. Don't you hate it when that happens? I find my reading is now relegated billboards.

Funny (or sad depending on how you look at it) story. My normal blog hoppers will know I like the sayings on the little church that I pass often as I shuttle the DD to dance class. Well, there has been a particularly good but kinda long one (3 lines) up this past week. Too long for me to read the whole thing as I whizzed by at breakneck speed. I finally got the end of the saying today and it all came together:

Sorrow looks back

Worry looks around

Faith looks up!

Nice, huh?

Best,

Kwana

Alone

Today will be my first day alone (well, for a least a few hours) in quite a while. Big grin from me. I find that I'm a very solitary person and am happy with my own company. At least most of the time. Of course there are times when even I get on my own nerves. Yep, I can admit that.

Now I know I can easily fill the day with the the laundry list (literally) of coulds and shoulds, but I'm going to take a moment to be like this women and just BE.

image: Edward Hopper

Be Alone.



Take some time to stop, breathe and think before I take that next step into this new season. Be in me for a while. Go in for a moment before I step out again.

Please take a little time for you too during this season of change and renewal.





Best,
Kwana

Late Starry Night

Sorry for the the late breaking post but it was a late night under the stars for me at the US Open last night. The DH and I were invited by friends and enjoyed a lovely night of exciting tennis in Queens.

I hope you have a wonderful Labor day end of Summer weekend!

Best,

Kwana

Bittersweet Goodbye

A bittersweet goodbye today to Senator Edward M. Kennedy as the rain came down around The Basilica of Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church where his funeral services were held today.

The youngest son of Rose and Joe Kennedy is no more and it seems that a very special political era is over. One filled with a true commitment of public service and looking out for those that are downtrodden or may be different from you. Of course we truly are so very the same.

But even in his own words

"There is still a light..."

Best,
Kwana

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Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy